I am not a blogger. I’ve decided that I don’t know how to write a successful blog. I mostly know how to rant and sound mildly clever. Like, I’m funny enough for you to make that little”heh” sound with a light exhale, but not enough to have you rolling on the floor questioning whether you should contact emergency services because you’ve accidentally ruptured your spleen with the sheer force of your vibrating midsection. If I had it my way, I’d send several thousand people to the hospital with the undiluted force of my wit. But we can’t always get what we want.
I guess I should start with some updates. Remember a few months ago when all I could do was complain about the fact that I didn’t have a job? That interview that was the first one to actually go moderately well? Yeah, that job hired me full time. So the past two months I’ve been studiously adjusting to the life of the everyday worker. Eight hour days and morning rush hour traffic. I am, in fact, working a desk job. It’s not so bad. My boss is great, my coworkers nice, and I can put Batman figurines on my desk. Sometimes there’s even a dog named Bruce. Overall, the only thing worth complaining about is traffic on the 405. Which, let me tell you, is a blog post in and of itself.
Well, there is one other thing.
I’m tired, like, all the time. How have people done this for decades??? I mean, that isn’t to say I’m tired in that “oh, you might have a medical condition” kind of way. It’s definitely more like “I just spent an hour in traffic and I no longer have the energy to do productive things, but I can totally watch Netflix until midnight.”
I claim to be a writer but I can’t manage to write much of anything during the week. I’m lucky to crank out a thousand words on the weekend. At that rate, I’ll finish my novel in 3 years, my narrative game in 5, and my sitcom bible in 8.
Real adults are a marvel to me!!! My mother teaches college mathematics four days a week, kids karate classes three days a week, attends karate classes four days a week, and still manages to clean the house, feed our dogs, AND write several thousand words a week on her own novel.
I find people like this absolutely fascinating. I’m trying to be more active in life, like many of my idols. Anna Akana, one of my favorite YouTubers has directed and written numerous short films, has her own clothing line, and performs in comedy shows regularly. AND SHE ONLY JUST TURNED TWENTY FIVE. I’m twenty three. The clock is ticking. I have a list of goals the length of the Great Wall of China and the only thing I’ve completed thus far on that list is graduating college with honors. Which, I know, is not necessarily nothing to snuff at, but hey, man, I’m have the ambition and fortitude of a class A Slytherin. Sitting around and waiting for my golden opportunities is tedious and frankly I’m wildly disappointed in how much I’ve been slacking.
I have a great job. I’m very good at my job. But my favorite job is the one I haven’t spent as much time doing. It’s the one that I don’t get paid to do (even though I would LOVE to get paid to do it). So basically, I suck at my favorite job. Mostly because I haven’t been doing it the way I should.
I’m working on that.
If you have any adult secrets to getting through long days at the office and out of the office, let me know. I’m looking for the drug from Limitless.
Seriously. Hook me up.